Chibi Squad Seven
by Hai Junko
Summary: Disturbed by the lack of patience for one another, Kakashi embarks on a quest to prank his precious team. He hopes this matter teaches them a powerful lesson about team work! Sadly, the results weren't what the scarecrow had in mind. Will they still be able to function normally out in the real world?- Dark humor fic, irony filled, and fluff


Hello. This my first SasuSaku post.

Chibi Squad Seven

Chapter 1. Damn you Kakashi!

Kakashi signed deeply.

For the hundredth time today, his squad was bitching.. and moaning.

So much moaning, made him mad! Got him so annoyed, that he didn't want to touch his Icha-Icha.

"There must be something I should do.." drawled the scarecrow.

He was walking down the street, with his hands deep in his pockets. The man looked up, and spotted a potion spot on the other side of the street. Kakashi felt a smirk tug on his lips (covered by his evil mask of course!) then zoomed right into the shop for observing. He found lots of potions and book high up on the shelves.

"Ahem, anything troubling you?" choked out an old voice.

Kakashi spun around with his arm stretched over to his opponent. His lone eye widened in surprise. "Y-your not an opponent.."

There wasn't any enemy standing before him. Just a very old warty looking old lady. She was short with fat hidden beneath her cloak. A hood stretched over her face, which Kakashi figured that she'll use to hide the ugliness seeping through her chakra.

"You are quite silly for a jonin." conducted the store owner. "Now I'll ask you again, anything troubling you at the moment?"

Kakashi rubbed his chin, "Actually, there is. My kids are driving me bonkers and I wish to shut them up."

"You can't expect me to make a silencing potion for them. You'll go to jail for that, including me.." she stated, watching him frown. "But I can make something else for them instead."

He looked up. "Really?"

"They don't call me potion mistress Sayuri for nothing." winked the potion master. Sayuri turned around then started walking, "Follow me to the back."

Said scarecrow picked up speed and trailed after the old woman. He kept his eye on a few fingers in a jar. What disgusted him the most was the pickled ear in a bowl. Kakashi cringed and grunted when he got pulled into a room. It was quite dark, giving him no other option but to turn on his sharingan.

He wasn't able to do it when green smoke exploded from the center.

"Young man, please come hither to me."

"Um.. shouldn't you know my name first?"

"Fine.." grumbled Sayuri. "What is your name sir?"

"Hatake Kakashi." he introduced happily.

"Kakashi hairy arm pits, please come hither to me.."

He signed then slowly walked to the center. Kakashi took notice of a giant black cauldron filled with an nasty odor.

"What's that for?" questioned the man, pointing a finger at it. "If you invited me for soup then no thanks, it smells nasty."

"Does it look like there's bread and crackers spilled out over here?"

"I wish to claim it as cookies. Except, there seems to be a frog swimming around in the broth."

"This is not broth. But a serious serum of age changing goodness. I suspected that someone would want to try it today."

Kakashi made a face of terror. "Does that mean this your first time making it?" he asked, not prepared with her answer. "Cause if it is, then I'll take my money else where."

"No, no, no. This spell has been used many times before. I come from a line of fine potion making nins."

"Aw, thank goodness. I'll take three samples please."

Sayuri dug her spoon into cauldron, then fished it out. "Here you are, just add it to something then be amazed with the results."

"How? I don't have a container to put it in."

"I don't know! Put it with rice, or tea.. just something!" barked the potion maker, annoyed with his sassy mouth. "Now give me my money. I don't give this shit out for free."

"Hell no. Put them each in individual jars first."

Sayuri rolled her hazel eyes, then poured the batch in three separate jars.

"Here you go. Gimme my money or shoo.."

Kakashi touched a few dollar bills. "Do you take.." he didn't finish, as his wallet got taken.

Sayuri counted the loot, only to throw it back at him. "You fool! I do not take food stamps!" she shouts.

"How come? Food stamps are gold to people like you."

"GET OUT OF MY SHOP!"

He ran for his dear life directly out of the potion shop into the raw sunlight. Kakashi traveled down a few more blocks and then hid behind a pastry shop. He wiped his forehead dry from sweat then hugged the three potions like it was a brand new volume of Icha-Icha.

"Eehhehe.. I'm so fucking happy!"

"What are you so damn happy about?"

Kakashi froze.

He slowly turned around, facing a purple haired fish net wearing female.

"A-anko.. What are you doing here?"

"Sarutobi requires you at the tower. What are you doing here?"

He stares at her, then breaks out in hysteria. "Trying to find out where the next Icha-Icha is coming from!"

Anko raises a left brow. "At a potion shop?"

Kakashi shakes his head like a rabid bobble head. "Yeah! I figured out what I needed to know."

"That's.. odd. Listen, I was wondering if.."

"I gotta go! Buh-bye!"

Off he went, leaving behind an annoyed Anko.

"Damn it!"

o000o

Kakashi walked out of the hokage tower whistling a perverted tune.

Only to freeze, after realizing something.

"Damn it! I forgot my team!"

He teleported with a poof over to the red bridge. What he found wasn't pretty. Sakura was literally screaming while Sasuke and Naruto were rolling around in the mud like dirty pigs. Except they rolled too far, knocking the pinkette down. She landed into the mud and cried her eyes out.

"My hair! My beautiful long luscious hair!"

Kakashi frowned, "Mm.. seems like I came just in time."

Naruto realized what he did, "Why are you in the ground Sakura-chan?"

"This isn't the ground, this is.. MUD!"

"Eh.. I don't see nothing wrong with it." he shrugged, only to get smacked in the face by a large mud pie.

Naruto traced the source, to a dark haired boy in the shape of a duck. He seemed to be smirking, while Sakura had hearts in her eyes.

"You bastard! Throwing mud at me is straight up dirty!"

"Speak for your self, dobe."

Just before he could land a hit on the raven, Sakura stopped him. Naruto waited patiently for the heavy verbal blow only to get nothing.

"S-sakura-chan?"

She seemed to be staring at him.

This put him on edge. Even Sasuke took the time out from staring at the sky to see what's up.

"Naruto.. you made quite a mess. Come on, let's go home and take a shower."

Both boys were shocked.

Well, Naruto was drooling. Kakashi and even Sasuke were steaming.

"Alright! Let's both get butt naked!"

"Naruto." barked their sensei. "Why don't you all go shower, in your own houses, far away from one another."

"Pfft.. what's the catch?" pffted the male.

"All of us will be squeaky clean. What more would you ask for?"

"Okay.. But after I'm done I'm invading your country." hinted the winking blond.

"Naruto!" roared Sasuke and Kakashi.

"Alright, alright. I'm going! Sheesh.. can't pull of a SasuSaku opening?"

The reaming three ignored Naruto's upbringing, then waited patiently for him to walk out of the training field. Once he left, Kakashi faced the non-romantic couple.

"You two are next. I'll meet you at Ichiraku later on when you're done."

"You didn't tell Naruto that." Sasuke spoke.

"Who gives a hoot. We'll meet you there later." Sakura said, walking across the training field. "Come on, Sasuke."

Sasuke didn't move an inch.

"Lol. She forgot the kun." snickered the ex-anbu.

"Shut up."

o0000o

**-In the village-**

After Sakura left the training grounds, the sun started to set. She would have gotten some training done early then hang out with a few friends, but as usual, Kakashi came late to the party. Now she's walking home with a strong odor of mud and sweat thanks to Naruto.**  
><strong>

Sakura carefully walked across the side walk trying to ignore all the_ 'You stink'_ and _'Go take a bath in mints'_ flowing around her. Once she left around the corner, the familiar path of her home came into view. The pinkette kept going across the dirt path and then came across her home. Normally, the lights were on to signal her that Mrs. Haruno was still up trying to complete a few tasks for tomorrow.

'That's strange, there isn't any lights on at the moment.' thought the confused girl. She kept walking, the stopped by the front step. Her mother walked out holding onto a candle with the top burning down the waxy complexion. Mrs. Haruno seemed to be quite tired and yawned.

"Mm, pleasure seeing you today."

Sakura couldn't understand. "W-what's going on? Why are the lights out?"

"A little circulation problem. I guess triyng to play the Wii fried it."

"It's not too bad.."

Mrs. Haruno shrugged, "Tell that to the Sony tv. Do you mind sleeping by Ino's tonight?"

"Sure. I'll go get my things."

Sakura squeezed her self through the door, trying not to bump into her mother. She entered the house and couldn't see a thing. Her okaa-chan set up a few candles, making it easier for her to maneuver freely around the area. Sakura tried her best not to bump into any chair and tables, then found her room by memory.

She opened a few drawers and patted her way through a few panties and bras then stuffed a few into her duffel bag. One she secured the right amount of clothes and snacks, Sakura headed out the door straight to Ino's house. Yet, she didn't even go there at all.

The pinkette found her self near Sasuke's house. Not to shout out her love to the havens. Just standing there, watching and waiting. A quick pout claimed her lips. The lights weren't on, meaning he wasn't home. Sakura tugged on her bag with a soft sign of disappointment.

"What are you doing outside my house?"

Sakura turned around, spotting the Uchiha carrying a few grocery bags.

The kunoichi forced her urge to scream out, _'Sasuke-kun!'_ only to talk a little more intelligent.

"Why did you buy groceries? Kakashi is treating us out to ramen."

"After I took a shower, I decided that buying them would be necessary due to Naruto's inhuman eating habits."

"Oh.." she trailed, not knowing what to say next.

Instead Sasuke took the lead. "I'll repeat it again. Why are you fan girling outside my house?"

"I wasn't fan girling!" shot back the female. She bit her lip, "Just going to Ino's house for a quick shower."

"Why would you shower there when you have plumbing?"

"Why are you asking so much questions?"

"Hn. See ya."

Sakura watched as the boy walking towards his house with warm air, food, and steamy hot baths.

Speaking of baths, you could imagine Sasuke wadding in the water, coming towards you. Walking on land like those werewolves from Twilight and..

"Damn it.." muttered the pinkette.

He stopped walking, and slowly turned around to face her. Sasuke noticed that a trail of blood was running down her hand.

"Did you impale your self just now?"

Sakura met his eyes, with complete mischief. "Maybe.. Mind letting me in?"

"No."

"Oh come on! If you won't.. I'll.. I'll.. blow your house up!"

"Hn. Annoying."

The pinkette blushed a bit, then signed. "Look, Sasuke.. if you won't let me in then I understand completely."

Sasuke was quite impressed. She finally took down a non verbal negative answer.

But what happened next made him go insane.

"I'll just go bathe at Naruto's."

His jaw dropped to the floor.

Did she just talk about the dobe?

Bathe with the dobe..

F-u-c-k with the..

No, this can't be happening!

While Sasuke argued with him self on letting her in, Sakura started walking towards the corner, which lead right back into the village. The boy shuffled his feet in a teme like way and snacked his arm around the girl's waist, then tugged her down the dirt road towards his house.

Sakura was dumb founded. "S-sasuke! What are you doing?"

"Just shut up. You're staying with me for the time being." grumbled the male Uchiha.

Sakura's eyes shown shock, while Inner's show signs of a jackpot through her eye sockets. The pinkette got lead up to his estate only to get pushed in by the rough male. Sakura looked around the room with naive qualities and shrieked when the door slammed from the back of her.

"W-what's going on?"

Sasuke said nothing and pushed her down the halls, towards a white lit room.

It was quite clean in here. A indoor tub sat on the floor. Next to it where a few soaps and loofahs. A quick image of a baby Sasuke playing in the tube claimed her mind.

"Aw, so cute.." strained the female. Her actions stopped, when Sasuke glared at her. "What?"

Slam! The door was closed shut.

. . .

Sasuke locked his door before leaving. Then he walked down the steps and growled when Sakura snacked her arm around him. Together the couple strolled across the lawn and back into the village, heading for Ichiraku. When they got there, Naruto stopped what he was doing (Mostly devouring his 23rd amount of ramen) then rushed over immediately.

"Tch. Dobe."

"Just ignore him. I'll do the talking." Sakura whispered to him.

The pinkette left his side and held her hands out to blond. "Naruto-kun, nice to see you!"

Naruto squealed a quick, "Sakura-chaaan!" and then squeezed her like a lemon head. "I missed you.." he mumbled, then turned his head, facing Kakashi. "This monster kept eating my ramen!"

Kakashi smiled, but did not tell a soul of his purpose.

_'I'm only trying to terminate you guys, not stuff you like mushrooms..'_

Sasuke on the other hand, found this get together very odd and un-Kakashi like. Like the brooding male he always was, Sasuke sat on a stool in the corner of the ramen shop, keeping an eye on his team mates from afar (and glanced at Sakura's butt from time to time). The Uchiha watched in boredom as Sakura and Naruto took their seats.

They talked casually about ramen, they talked about how nasty tomatoes were. only to shut up when Sasuke glares at them. Then resume on talking about the sky. Until Naruto found it too boring and asked for ramen instead. This was it! His chance to eliminate them to the skies!

Sakura unfolded a menu in front of her. "Kakashi-sensei, which flavor of ramen do you wa.."

Vwasssh! Her hair went to the right, like a vogue magazine. Sakura curiously located the scare crow, who's figure could be seen entering the back of the room.

"Hm.. I guess he had to use the bathroom first before eating." shrugged the pinkette.

Naruto got up chattering, "Speaking of bathroom, I gotta go to.."

"SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN!" exploded a crude voice.

He went like this, o.0 before getting shoved into the stole by Sakura. Naruto quickly unfolded his napkin and placed it over his lap. "I..I think I'm g-gonna sit here for a while.."

Meanwhile, Sasuke turned his head, spotting a father trying to scold his rebellious daughter.

"Hn. Dead-last." grumbled the male.

Obviously Naruto heard it. "Huh?" and then resumed eating some appetizers.

Sakura slammed down her menu onto the oak. "I'm sick and tired of waiting for him. Unless he's ordering us a special flavor, then I'm ordering it by myself."

Kakashi suddenly flew out of the kitchen, holding onto three bowls of ramen. The trio's heads perked up in surprise and watched him skip towards them. Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he could see Tenchi and his daughter Ayame look on from the kitchen window, apparently.. sad?

"There's something wrong here.." he spoke up, alerting his peers.

"What? The ramen or Kakashi?" Sakura questioned.

"Ramen! Ramen! Gimme the ramen!" chanted Naruto, banging his chop sticks on the oak.

"Here you go Naru-chan.." sang the scarecrow.

He placed it below Naruto's chin. "Um.. okay. That was too weird." trailed the confused boy, "But this looks so good!"

Naruto was three minutes away from slurping down the ramen like a toilet. Slowly but professional, he carefully lowered his chop sticks in the white bowl.

A black blur shot up from his bowl yelling out, "Naruto, wait!"

"Yes, wait for your lovely team mates." grinned the masked man.

Naruto raised a blond eye brow. "Are you serious?" he questioned, glaring bitterly at the man. "This is ramen, not up close and personal with a stripper from Miami."

"I know! Now would you mind waiting for Sasuke and Sakura?"

"Sakura I could wait, except him."

"Naruto.." growled the pinkette. "Wait for us.."

"I've been waiting for you since the academy days!" added the blond, folding his arms over his chest. "This shit is nothing."

Kakashi ran his gloved hand through his um.. gloved face. "Alright, I'm going to serve them."

Sakura meeps while Sasuke grunted as two speeding bullets of ramen slid down the oak counter top. Together they both look at each other, before carefully plucking the contents with their chop sticks. Naruto watched his team mates stab the ramen with hungry eyes.

"Hungry blue eyes, I am truly hungry for you and I.." weeped the singly boy. "Can we eat now?"

"You can. All at the same time."

Naruto brought out another tune. "Just the two of us, we can eat and eat this time.. Just the two of us!" he sang, rocking him self back and forth with the bowl of ramen.

Sasuke uses his index finger to push it away, "I"m not hungry."

"Me either, we'll just give it to Naruto and wa.." Saura agreed, trying to give away her food.

"EAT THE DAMN FOOD!"

Sakura fell out her chair from shock, while Sasuke's right eye brow twitched numerous times.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head, "Um.. yeah. That was me, the angry guy outside."

Just to make sure, the trio got up and left out the flap. A few minutes passed and Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto snickered back to their seats.

"What?"

"There's bean curd on your butt."

"Hahaha! You sat on beans!~" chuckled Naruto.

"Just sit down and eat.." groaned the scarecrow.

Team seven obliged and stomped over near the stools. Said youngsters each took a seat and dug into the bowl with their indvidual pair of chopsticks. Kakashi litterarly giggled like a school girl as they gulped down the mysterious blend of ramen. Once they finished, a weak nausea claimed their stomachs.

"Waa? What's going on.." mumbled the blond, only to shrink.

Sasuke and Sakura leaned in, with their eye brows raised. Apparently Naruto vanished within his own clothes.

She turned, facing Kakashi. "What did you do to Naru.." Sakura wondered, only to shrink as well.

Kakashi jumped for joy. "Yes! I got them out of my hair!" he shouted merrily.

"Not quite. What did you do to them?"

Apparently, the serum didn't kick in.

Sauske was still alive, staring at the live scarecrow from his seat.

"Why would you care?" Kakashi frowned, his laughs draining within each take of oxygen. "I bet you don't even give a damn."

Before Sasuke could speak another word, he shrunk too.

All you could hear was two people sobbing in the background and a terrible laughter.

Fin...?

* * *

><p>Yays! It's done! Oh my, I spent almost a month on this.<p>

Review what you think. I'll continue in a little while when I'm free.

Oh yeah.. I apologize for the constant use of the word 'ramen'. o.o

Black and yellow.. black and yellow~

-Silent Ookami


End file.
